I'm sorry that I have not been on a whole lot and I feel pretty bad for not talking to the random in a while. I do miss you guys
I have been going through a lot of emotional stress lately and have been going out away from the computer these past several weeks. I may have reblogs on my tumble bit that is all from my phone and so is this post.
it has nothing to do with the fandom or any bad rumors happening about GACKT or anything else like that. No one hurt my feelings in the fandom or anything like that. YouTube is the same usual shit with running into racist people and Hicks who think that they get their way by calling you names, pulling racial slurs and terms, and over all not know what an argument is. while that is the least of my problems. I have been really distressed lately.
It's like a mix of anxiety and depression and. because I love my nicotine hit. I started vaping, I have only ever smoked on cigarette in my entire life and it didn't stick. but I do love to smoke hookah and that has been my get away. but lately It's been difficult for me to hang out with my friends who have a hookah machine and so like I said I have taken up vaping.
just look it up if you'd like to know because this post is not about that.
I'm just putting up what's up and why I have not been talkative lately.
I'm actually quite tired and I don't feel good. not like sick just not willing to be happy. like I don't FEEL like forcing it like I usually do.
so It's complicated like trying to hide a bad cut but No one notices you hand over it.
I just have a lot on my mind and do I have been emotionally distressed. and It's not very fun at all...so I have been in this rut for a while and It's because Injustice feel inadequate
and I don't know why, but I do hate it when people say "if you ate questioning weather someone loves you or not, probably means that you shouldn't even be together" or some shit like that.
I really do hate it because I feel that question it every now and then is good for keeping the glue stock between you and your partner. the more you think on it the more you realize that you are either wrong or right. and for me that's how it works but lately there have been some major changes and I just feel like thisi just feel like I have been doing everything wrong and whatever I say is just pushingnpeople away. instill holding my happy mask for when I make YouTube vids but not all the time. I have broken down several times on my channel but that years ago.
I guess I just feel bad because I told my relationship that I had a break down recently due to increased anxiety and he said nothing. and so I have been down lately. not because of that but because of several occurrences where the last time we talked or text he didn't say Hi back or I love you or good morning and so I feel like It's over
I know o know you guys don't need to tell me that how I feel and that these occurrences have happened a lot. but It's been a long time since I had a break down and It's not just him It's everything. and It's all too much to explain.
anyway I'm tired and I miss you guys. I love you and I'm sorry if I have been a bummer.